Sitting at the dining table this morning, talking over a couple of lemon smoothies, David said “you’re in a funk.” “You’re right, I am in a funk!” I replied. We had been talking about my waning motivation and how I’ve been fighting to regain my momentum ever since the fateful weight-gain week on June 13. The Hawaii trip caused a brief spike in my drive but even that excitement was dampened by only having lost 8/10ths of a pound that week. After that point I decided to stop weighing in on Mondays, instead focusing on healthy eating and workouts without the numbers being a distraction. That was both a blessing and a curse in that just as a disappointing weigh-in couldn’t discourage me, a good one couldn’t inspire me.
I feel I am at a sort of crossroads now – our eight-week TRX workout plan wraps up this week and my two-month weigh-in (which I have resolved to do) and progress photo are looming this coming Saturday. After this week, we have decisions and plans to make about our workouts moving forward and I feel, in many ways, that this gives me a sort of deadline to address the issues I know are holding me back from making the progress I want to make.
I don’t mean to discount all I’ve been doing – but, in my mind, I have been discounting it. I have been veering wildly off plan over weekends by both skipping workouts and eating unplanned and untracked meals, including dining out and indulging in desserts. Even during the weeks (it is time to come clean about this and be accountable) I have been climbing-the-walls-hungry by late afternoon and, subsequently, sneaking extra snacks. Three times last week I had to stop at the store for something I either ran out of at home or didn’t/couldn’t get during my weekly grocery shopping trip and each time I left Safeway with a Cliff Bar in hand. It doesn’t seem like much, but an extra 250+ calories a day can absolutely make a difference. It makes a difference in terms of meeting my weight loss goals and it makes a difference in terms of my psyche, my ability to tell myself I am doing my best. That said, aside from unplanned snacks I have been making and adhering to meal plans Monday through Friday for nearly two months and that is an accomplishment. And, even without motivation, we have been working out in the evenings until the weekends roll around again and it becomes all-too-easy to brush them off, promising to make up for the missed sessions later (which we do… I should point out, we do make up for those skipped sessions.)
But I am in a funk and, as hard as it can be to make the right decisions and the healthy decisions each day, it is doubly hard when your heart isn’t in it – when the “why bother?” thoughts ring in my head and, in my minds eye, I see those numbers on the scale that knocked the wind out of my sails three weeks ago. I don’t have any pearls of wisdom, any answers or theories, any inspirational epiphanies. I’m just in a funk and have to share that, get it out of my head and into the world.
WEEK EIGHT CHECK-IN
Still not weighing in. Will weigh in on Saturday, July 9 for my two-month progress report.