The Liar

Have you ever been doing something challenging – maybe you were running a 5k or participating in a Crossfit class or yoga; maybe you were making or following a meal plan, navigating the food booby traps that pop up in office break rooms and social gatherings? You come to the point where it gets more strenuous, when you are tired and you hear a voice in your head that tells you, “this is too hard.” It tells you, “you can’t do this.” It tells you to quit, that you are too something… too slow, too tired, too old, too heavy, too whatever. I have to tell you something about that voice. That isn’t your voice.

I know it kind of sounds like your voice but it isn’t. That is the voice of every person, every situation that has ever left you feeling like a failure, feeling like something is impossible, feeling embarrassed or ashamed. That is the voice of the high school P.E. teacher who failed you after you ran four consecutive laps on the track for the first time in your life simply because you took a little longer than deemed necessary (true story). That is the voice of the sales woman at Dillard’s who helped you zip a dress you were trying on then told you that you needed to wear Spanx with it (true story). That is the voice of the couple a few tables away at Carrow’s Restaurant discussing what you ordered and what you should have ordered because of your size in voices, intentionally or not, loud enough for you to overhear (again, true story). That is the voice of all the catty bitches who say things like, “oh my god, she should NOT be wearing that.” That is the voice of every bully, every mean girl, everyone who ever tore you down in order to make themselves feel better.

And I’ll tell you something else about that voice. It is a f*&%ing liar. That voice doesn’t know you or know what you can do. It doesn’t know your limits or abilities. You are strong enough, you are perfect, you can do anything you believe you can do. You are a warrior, you are a superhero, you are the champion of your own life story. But that voice is so tempting. Sometimes the voice tells you what you think you need to hear. Sometimes it seems like it is looking out for your best interests. That voice is going to let you off the hook, show you how to rationalize quitting when something gets uncomfortable. And that voice is loud – man, is it loud. Loud and persistent. When I ran my last 10K, I think that voice was chattering in my head for the final two kilometers… “you already did better than last year, you can walk now”… “you are so tired, your legs are so tired, you can’t do this.” I ran those last two kilometers with that voice nagging at me. That voice didn’t want me to finish, it didn’t want me to achieve my goal. It wanted me to quit, maybe because I ran those four laps 20 years earlier only to be told I failed. That voice doesn’t want what is best for you, it doesn’t want you to be happy and it will never guide you where you truly want to go. It thrives on your insecurities and fears; its singular goal is to keep you mired in defeat, to keep you feeling helpless and powerless.

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Whatever it takes, you have to stop listening to that voice. You can not give it that kind of power over you and your happiness. Find our own voice; the voice that knows you are limitless, you can accomplish anything. I use my voice against the lying voice. At the risk of looking like a crazy person, I will speak out loud when necessary just to make sure MY voice is louder than that other voice. I have no patience for that voice, no empathy. I will ignore that voice or tell it to shut up, I will talk over, I will mock it. Nine reps in to a fifteen rep set of TRX high rows, I’ll start saying aloud, “piece of cake, I got this, I could do this all day” to drown out my screaming muscles and that screaming voice saying, “this is too hard, you can quit at ten reps – that’s still pretty good.” No, voice, pretty good isn’t good enough for me anymore. I have missed out on years of life and experiences and joy because I settled for the mediocre existence you had planned for me. Next time you are struggling with something and want to quit, listen for that voice. Identify it, see it for what it is, then tell it to shut the eff up. Give it a name if you need to, talk to it aloud, find your way to combat that lying, cheating bully of a voice until there is no place left for it to lurk in your mind.

Let your own voice guide you – you know what you want, you know how to get there. You know… you MUST know… you are worth it. You are worth every ounce of sweat, every long soak of sore muscles in an epsom salt bath, every moment of hard. You are worth every elated moment you step on a scale or button your jeans and see progress. You are worth every crossing of the finish line, every Savasana. You are worth the complicated meal plan, you are worth every extra jump on the box, you are worth passing up on birthday cake at the office. Not only are you worth it, you can accomplish all those things easily. It’s a walk in the park, you could do that all day. Dream up something amazing and do it because you can.

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WEEK TWO CHECK-IN
Weight:
210.2 (2.4 pounds lost this week, 4.8 pounds lost total)

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